Aboard the Internet Express

I have agonised endlessly over the decision of whether to return to the fold of the online community. There are a million reasons why exposing your thoughts, face, and any part of you to the world wide web, is a terrible idea. However, despite all this; despite the previous online existential crises in which I default to the inevitable conclusion that life offline is superior, I am now inclined to peak my head tentatively above the parapet and see if I can withstand the fire. Perhaps I will be struck immediately, and scurry back to the ease and comfort of binary appraisals of online living. Or maybe I will last a little longer, and attempt to carefully tread the tightrope of balance. I realise that vilifying the ‘internet’, or trying to ignore its pervasiveness in modern life, is rather obtuse. My previous attempts to ‘quit’ social media, whilst far more successful with regards to creating than consuming, have always been doomed to failure. Rules are inevitably broken, and so learning ‘how’ to approach the modern landscape, rather than ignore great swathes of it, seems most appropriate.

There surely isn’t anything inherently wrong with wanting to share. Human nature, at least in my experience, is hard-wired to want to connect in its shared views, experiences and feelings. To deny this, is to walk upstream. It is exhausting.

I cannot deny my affinity to the internet generation. I can type much faster than I can write. I am as guilty as anyone of googling every passing thought in automatic reflex. It is an integral part of life, replacing many previously celebrated conventions. I no longer write letters and I no longer journal. Pouring my thoughts online and expressing myself creatively through this blog seems much better suited to the skills honed through a 21st century upbringing; rather than stubbornly aspiring to ignore the current landscape in favour of a romantic vision of writing with a quill at a desk surrounded by leather-bound books. 

I am conflicted between the intense desire to stop questioning every aspect of living, and an aversion to removing the responsibility and accountability imposed by exposing yourself online. It is daunting to open your life to the possibility of online consumption, and subsequent judgement. This accountability and responsibility can be a positive consequence for both the individual and the world, but there is potential for crippling pressure. I have previously felt a martyr for my causes, contorting myself to meet my ethical obligations, at the detriment of my mental health. The solution is likely to be the ubiquitous recommendation of 'balance'. 

So this is me attempting to 'internet' with balance.